Friday, July 31, 2015

Kembang Stamang Kite, Guaner Ding?

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Ke laut wei, ke laut! Kah kah kah kah!!!
Ke laut! Ke laut!

Kah kah kah kah!!!

Guaner Ding? 
Mung reti mende...
Kite lame doh dalang politik nih.

Kah kah kah kah!!!

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Habis La Berselerak Anak Cucu Cicit Lim Goh Tong

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Apakah perbezaan dua gambar ini?
Kah kah kah kah!!
Apakah yg membezakan gambar atas dan gambar bawah?
Kah kah kah!!!

Habis ranap la lu cucu cicit Lim Goh Tong.
Satu lagi panglima sudah muncul. Kah kah kah!!

Kemudian muncul lagi panglima lain. Kita tunggu.

Kah kah kah kah!!!

Nak Tengok Jantan Sundal?

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Ini dia jantan sundal.

Ingat Kota Damansara?
Ingat Bukit Besi?
Ingat Mat Piah vs HAMNO vs Chegu Bard?
Ingat Permatang Pauh baru-baru ni?

Puak-puak jantan ni yg bukan main beriya dgn pil kudanya, Marxis, Lenin, Stalinnya.
Puak-puak jantan sundal ni la bukan main berarak kesana ke mari dok julang gambar presiden. Konon sayang sangat presiden.


Time mencekik, siap bukak serban.

Wala'on & Candunya

Mana Perginya Hero 1MDB?

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Kah kah kah kah!!!

Panglima 1MDB dah kena pancung.

Hero 1MDB tak boleh diam, jgn biarkan lahanun-lahanun merampok lagi. Kah kah kah!

Hero 1MDB kena bangkit bingkas membela panglima yg telah selamat dipancung dan dikasi dan telah pun mandul adanya. Kah kah kah!!!

Jangan la hero 1MDB tak habis-habis lagi dgn geli-geli majlis hari jadi tauke judi.


Artikel Terhebat, Termaveles, Terbest, Tercool, Terbaik, Terbagus, Terleleh Minggu Ini

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Artikel ini menyimpulkan bahawa Mahafiraunlah punca segala masalah Msia sekarang ini.

Jadi, pergi cari tempat sunyi atau cari pot bawah pokok yg redup nyaman sepoi-sepoi bahasa dan bacalah artikel Dan Slater ini.

Kalau tak reti baca orang putih, terjemahkan melalui Google Translate. So, in a nutshell, jgn jadi bodo.

Kahkah kah kah kah!!!!

Malaysia’s mess is Mahathir-made

29 July 2015
Author: Dan Slater, University of Chicago

At least embattled Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak is right about one thing. The current mess in Malaysian politics is the making of his greatest nemesis, Mahathir Mohamad, who led the Southeast Asian nation with an iron fist from 1981–2003. What Najib fails to fathom is that Mahathir has not produced this mess by criticising his leadership, but by paving Najib’s path to power in the fashion he did during his decades in office. Mahathir may believe that he can end the crisis by bringing Najib down. But history should judge Mahathir himself as the author of a long national decline that has culminated in this latest crisis.

To be sure, Najib’s fingerprints are all over the current mess. The proximate source of the crisis has been the collapse of Najib’s pet sovereign-investment company, 1Malaysia Development Berhad (1MDB). This has caused Malaysia’s stock market and currency, the ringgit, to plummet in turn. All this has transpired amid credible allegations that the prime minister siphoned an eye-popping US$700 million into his personal bank account.

But this road toward ruin commenced with Mahathir, not Najib. It is vital to realise that Mahathir rose to power in blessed circumstances. Malaysia’s economy had been growing healthily for decades, thanks to the prudent economic management of a highly capable bureaucracy. Governance and tax collection were effective, and debts were few. Natural resource wealth, including oil, was professionally stewarded. A decade of muscular redistribution to the country’s ethnic Malay majority had restored social stability after the race riots of 1969. Incoming foreign investment was copious and about to mushroom even further. Mahathir commanded one of the most cohesive ruling parties (the United Malays National Organization, or UMNO) and coalitions (the Barisan Nasional, or BN) in the world. The regime was authoritarian, but not intensely repressive or disliked in comparative terms. In short, Mahathir was holding a winning hand when he became prime minister in 1981.

Then came the debt. Obsessed with following in the footsteps of Asia’s technological leaders, Mahathir began borrowing heavily to fund his ‘Look East’, state-led heavy-industrialisation program. Privatisation was part of his growth package, but the beneficiaries were businessmen of loyalty more than talent. When the global economy went into recession in the mid-1980s, patronage started drying up. UMNO split, largely in reaction to Mahathir’s strong-armed style of rule. Mahathir’s two most talented rivals, Tengku Razaleigh and Musa Hitam, bolted from UMNO despite their deep personal ties to the party, mostly to get away from Mahathir himself. Mahathir responded by launching a police operation under the pretext of racial tensions, imprisoning and intimidating political rivals, and cementing his autocratic control.

Hence by the late 1980s, all of the defining features of Malaysia’s current crisis under Najib’s leadership were already evident under Mahathir. The regime was increasingly repressive. The office of prime minister was becoming a haven of autocracy. Ethnic tensions had been reopened to political manipulation. The economy was worrisomely indebted. UMNO was shedding some of its most capable leaders. This was the beginning of Malaysia’s sad national decline, under Mahathir’s watch and at his own hand.

Fast-forward a decade and all of these syndromes would recur in even nastier forms. The Asian Financial Crisis of 1997–98 punished Malaysia for the unsustainable dollar-denominated debts it had accumulated under Mahathir’s single-minded push for breakneck growth. Mahathir blamed everybody but himself for the crash. He sacked and imprisoned his popular and gifted deputy, Anwar Ibrahim, largely for his temerity in suggesting that Malaysia needed deeper reforms to regain economic health.

Mahathir didn’t pull Malaysia out of its crisis with economic reform or adjustment, but with more and more borrowing and spending. This was possible because Malaysia was still sitting on the fiscal reserves it had been amassing for half a century, since the British colonial period. Mahathir grandiosely claimed that his imposition of capital controls had saved the economy. But capital flight had basically run its course by the time controls were implemented. Mahathir imposed them to facilitate political repression as much as economic recovery. The spectre of anti-Chinese riots in neighbouring Indonesia was then callously manipulated to keep ethnic Chinese voters in the BN fold in the 1999 elections.

Hence even before the turn of the millennium, Malaysia was hurtling down the very trajectory of decline we are witnessing in the current crisis. Like Mahathir, Najib assumed autocratic control over the economy and embarked on reckless borrowing and investment schemes, especially 1MDB. Like Mahathir, Najib unleashed a torrent of repression under antiquated security laws to protect his own position amid rising criticism from civil society and from within UMNO. Like Mahathir, Najib has recklessly played the ethnic and religious card as his position has weakened. And in consummate Mahathir style, Najib has now even sacked his deputy, Muyhiddin Yassin, for questioning Najib’s repression of the media in response to the 1MDB scandal. In sum, Mahathir has nobody to blame more than himself as he watches Najib drive Malaysia even further into the ground.

Neither Najib nor any of his current plausible replacements appear capable of reversing Malaysia’s decades-long decline. Herein lies perhaps Mahathir’s worst legacy of all. By forcing the three most capable politicians beside himself out of UMNO during their prime, Mahathir ensured that only relative lightweights would command leading positions in Malaysia’s most powerful political institution. If Malaysia is to exit this crisis on a path to restored health rather than steeper decline, the political and economic reforms first demanded in the reformasi movement of the late 1990s will finally need to put in place: either by a new generation of leadership within UMNO, or by Malaysia’s repressed but resilient political opposition.

Dan Slater is associate professor in political science at the University of Chicago.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Mana Muhyidin & Shafie Afdal Nak Pergi?

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Jawabnya: Tak ke mana.

Seluk??? Kah kah kah kah!!! Nak seluk hapanya? 

Kah kah kah!!!

Shafie Afdal ramai orang dah tahu. Tapi Muhyidin nak seluk hapa? Kah kah kah!!!

Takkan Muhyidin pun ada bela yg macam anak Rafik jugak ke??? Kah kah kah!!! Tak la. Muhyidin bab itu dia OK.

Kah kah kah!!!

Pasti amat pasti, kedua2 mamat HAMNO ini tak akan ke mana-mana lagi.

Mereka bakal mengikut langkah Ghafar Baba dan banyak lagi tokoh-tokoh HAMNO yg slow demi slow hilang dalam peta.

Gone and forgotten.

Pengikut tak ramai mana, pengaruh tak sekuat mana, karisma tarak, bercakap tak berapa reti & bila kuasa tak ada, yg tinggal hanya batu 2 bijik celah kangkang. Sandar-sandarkan badan kedinding, tangan seluk kocek seluar cari & garu batu.

Kah kah kah!!!
Kah kah kah!!!

Serius.Bukan memain.

Sebab, 2 ekor HAMNO ini bukan lah macam Mat Nuar, Mat Sabu, Mat Tian Chua, Mat Guan Eng atau Mat Hatta.

Bisik je slow-slow ke telinga 2 ekor HAMNO ini perkataan-perkataan yg seerti dgn;

Jel. Jerejak besi. SB. Sg Buloh. Salah laku. Salah guna kuasa. Arsenik. Lebam bijik mata. Tilam. Karpet terbang. Tompok itu. Tompok ini. Lendir yahanu. Air yahani. Kah kah kah!!!

Nak kasi lagi power, bisik, 

"psssssst! Saiful BauKari!!!!"

Kah kah kah!!!

Sekali Nik Abduh Mencakar

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Dihari baikbulan baik ini, 
kami dengan linangan ayor mata menghulurkan sepuluh jari memohon ampun dan maaf kerana,
setakat ini sajalah akal Ketua Pemuda kami.

Kah kah ka hkah kah!!!!!


cuba la lu bagi tau, God Calling tu dalam Bahasa Arab apa maknanya? Kah kah kah!!!

Boss dia pun 2x50 juga. Tsssk...tssk..isssk...

Kah kah ka hkah kah!!!

Monday, July 27, 2015

Jom Guna Airport Cina DAP Penang

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Source: bloomberg

Kah ka hkah kah kah!!!

Nak mampos?

Sekali lagi tanya ni, "nak mampos guna KLIA2?" Kah kah ka hkah!!

Kau dah lama hidup?  Nak bunuh diri?

Dol, come on la, kau bukan tau berenang pun. Kah kah kah kah!!!

Buat hapa pegi airport dalam hutan tu? Dah la jauh, tambang beratus ringgit. Kah kah kah!!

Baik pi Penang. Pasemboq ada, rojak ada, beruk ada, feri ada, pantai cantik, makan sedap.

Amoi ranggi-ranggi.

Kincin pun berdili woooo...!

Kah kah kah kah kah!!!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Fadilat Tempoyak

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Raya baru ni,

balik ke Bachok, Klate aku dapat tempoyak.
Balik ke Kuala Kangsar, Perak pun aku dapat tempoyak lagi.

Tempoyak sebenarnya adalah anugerah alam utk manusia. Alam menganugerahkan manusia utk memakan buah yg sedang menapai dan membusuk! Kah kah kah! Ladzat.

Tempoyak amat versatile.

Boleh buat gulai. Boleh dimasak kacau dgn ikan bilis. Paling sempoi, tumbuk dgn cili padi utk dibuat sambal. Kemudian makan dgn petai, jering & kerdas. Berdesup.

Ada jugak kes extreme, sandwich tempoyak. Pernah dengar? kah kah ka hkah!!!

Namun ramai tak tahu bahawa tempoyak boleh men'servis' usus-usus yg dah berkarat berselirat dgn lemak-lemak degil.

Ini kerana tempoyak mengandungi berjuta-juta bakteria yg boleh membantu pembersihan usus dan melancarkan pergerakan najis.

Tempoyak ni probiotic la kata orang putih. Kah kah kah kah!

Jadi, kepada sesiapa yg bermasalah di dalam jamban, teran punya teran punya teran berjam-jam, keluar cuma 2 ketul taik kambing, adalah dinasihatkan agar pergi ke gerai durian berhampiran utk mendapatkan sebalang tempoyak. Kah kah kah kah!

Anda akan dapat merasa betapa nikmatnya lancar urusniaga di dalam jamban.

Muka tak lagi berkerut, injap tak perit & pinggang akan bertambah langsing.

Kah kah kah!

Hero 1MDB

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Hero 1MDB dijamu tauke judi.

Ini la dia hero 1MDB.

Dah tua bangka dgn diri, masih nak berkawan dgn tauke judi. Masih naik stim, hidung kembang kempis diampu digosok tauke judi.

Masih sedap tekaknya dijamu duit tauke judi.

Kununnya. Apanama.

Ini lah dia kununnya hero 1MDB.


Hapa, korang ingat Mahafiraun ini peduli sangat ka turun-naik ekonomi negara?

Jgn sesekali ingat Mahafiraun ini peduli sangat tentang kebajikan Sirul. Jgn sesekali fikir Mahafiraun ini bergelora hati perutnya melihat negara menanggung hutang 1MDB.

Manusia yg berkawan dgn tauke judi ini yg peduli sangat tentang kebajikan rakyat?

Tolonglah jangan senang sangat kena kencing. Tolonglah jgn jadi Harun Din/Hadi Awang.

Kah kah ka hkah kah kah!!!

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Bekas Chief Lahanun Yg Dah Kenyang Menyuruh Chief Lahanun Yg Belum Cukup Kenyang Bersara

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Bond pala bana hapa? kahkahkah

Mahafiraun ni menyesal berenti jadi PM.

Kalau dia buat keras semasa isu lubang ekzos Azizan, dia masih lagi PM sampai sekarang.

Kalau dia buat keras semasa isu mata lebam Mat Nuar, sampai sekarang dia masih PM.

Kah kah kah kah!

Tapi apakan daya, di kala itu Mahafiraun kecut perut digertak orang HAMNO sendiri.

Mahafiraun ini tak la power sangat.

Najib lagi power la.

Kah ka hkah kah!!!

Bubuh isu cincin tak jalan.
Bubuh isu Altantuya, tak jalan.
Bubuh isu Scopene, tak jalan.
Bubuh isu 1MDB pun tak jalan.

Ini dia hero 1MDB. Kahkahkah!

Letih la Mahafiraun macam ni.

Kah ka hkah kah!!!

Kompom Mahafiraun dengki.

Sampaikan PAS/Hadi/Harun Din pun suruh Najib kekal, kahkahkah! 
PAS/Hadi/Harun Din pun sudah kena bungkus timbang kati sama Najib, macam mana Mahafiraun tak berbulu lubang telinga?

Kah kah kah kah!!!!

Usahkan orang HAMNO & rakyat 1Malaysia, org PAS pun Najib boleh kaw-tim. Kah kah kah kah!!!

Wala' jangan tak wala'! Kah kah kah kah!!!

Wala'on & Candunya

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Gentel Menggentel Menyambut Hari Raya

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Kah kah ka ka kah kah kah !!!

Aku baru dapat anak perempuan. Sebulan lebih dah umurnya pun.
Bini aku still dalam pantang. Pantang dia 99 hari.

Gentel inti tart la. Kahkahkah!
Tahun ni aku buat 3 jenis tart shj, tahun lepas 21 jenis.

Raya pertama jamu tetamu dgn nenas tart.
Raya kedua dgn strawberry tart.
Raya ketiga dgn blueberry tart.

Raya ke-4 dan seterusnya giliran aku pulak merasa 8 tart. Kah kah ka hkah!!!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidifitri kpd para pembaca budiman, kalau aku nak mention disini semua nama pembaca/pengomen regular, mungkin aku akan terlepas nama. Jadi baik aku tak payah mention. Kan?


bawak kereta agak2 la. Kah kah kah!
Don't korek idung & drive.


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Air Paip Pak Hamid Janda

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Pak Hamid dah arwah pun. Aku tak tahu bila dia jadi arwah kerana lama aku meninggalkan kampung.

Pak Hamid seorang duda, tapi amat menghairankan kenapa orang kampung menggelar beliau 'Janda'? Kah kah kah! Aku pun tak tahulah asal-usul kejadiannya.

Rumah Pak Hamid terletak dalam kebun getah di atas bukit dan ngam-ngam betul bertentangan dengan rumah makcik aku yg terletak di seberang jalanraya. 

Ramadhan akan mengingatkan aku kepada Pak Hamid, sepertimana aku akan bernostalgia tentang sekolah lama, rumah-rumah bujang aku, bazaar Ramadhan Pantai Dalam KL, roti john, air soya, milo ais Kedai Slow, flat taik dan banyaklah lagi.

Masa kecik2 dulu, aku menapak ke sekolah. Mak bapak aku bukan berduit nak belikan basikal BMX macam yg kau naik tu. Kahkahkah! 

Bulan puasa ke, bulan tak puasa ke, aku tetap akan menapak ke sekolah. Jangan harap bapak aku nak hantarkan. Lagi pun sekolah bukan jauh sangat dan ramai lagi budak-budak yg senasib dgn aku.

Bulan puasalah paling mencabar, sebab kami akan melalui rumah Pak Hamid. Bukan sebab Pak Hamid bela anjing atau itik angsa, tapi di luar rumah Pak Hamid ada sebuah bilik air dan kompomlah dalam bilik air ada paip air! 

Paip air! Kah kah kah kah kah!!!


kau bayangkanlah betapa sejuknya air paip di atas bukit di dalam kebun getah yg sentiasa redup. Kah kah kah kah!!!

Jantung aku akan berdegup kencang apabila melalui paip berhantu itu, bukan sekali, malah berpuluh kali aku tewas.Kah kah ka hkah kah!!!

Upacara menogok air paip rumah Pak Hamid biasanya akan dimulakan dengan meredah semak mencari 'buah lemba'.

Buah lemba inilah yg akan menambah perisa manis air paip sejuk itu yg bakal melalui tekak aku. Kah kah kah kah!!!

Bukan aku sorang, ramai lagilah dari darjah satu sampai la ke budak darjah enam. Mudah2an banyaklah pahala buat Pak Hamid yg berbakti kepada kami budak-budak sekolah yg pokai nak beli air sirap di kantin sekolah pun tak berduit.

Tapi Dol,

jangan tak tau, orang kampung yg tua bangka nak mampus pemalas nak puasa itu pun kat situ jugaklah menogok air paip.

Kah kah kah!

sapa-sapa baca artikel ni kena sedekah Fatihah sekali kpd Pak Hamid. Kalau tak sedekah, aku sumpah telor kau berat sebelah. Kah kah kah kah!


Monday, July 6, 2015

Akhirnya Anak Buah Aku Telah Insaf & Kembali Ke Pangkal Jalan

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Kah kah kah kah kah!

Ini lah anak buah aku. Budak ni memang handal. Liat & tahan sakit. Kahkahkahkah!!!!!

Nak terkincit aku gelak tgk bermakmumkan robot-robot bapaknya. Kahkahkahkah!!

Ini lah dia penangan bila bapaknya otak kartun, anak pun terikut-ikut.

Bagaimana pun harus dipujilah makbapaknya yg rajin menyuruh anak2 sembahyang.

Sejuk hati perut Opah di kampung.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Jantan Tak Guna

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Kah kah kah ka hkah kah!!!

Mari aku bawakkan satu kisah;

Ada sekor jantan. Dia balik kampung mengadu begitu begini kepada mak dia.

"Amoi masak tak sedap, tak pandai bersolek, kaki tidur, ketiak berbau, dah tak seksi, perut dah boroi, lengan menggelebeh, main pun dah tak sedap, siku lebam, lutut lebam,

jaga dia mak, aku nak ceraikan dia,

baru dia ada akai!"


Tapi Dol,

jantan sekor ni tak reti malu, dah berminggu-minggu tapi masih dok merayau-rayau lagi bawah gelegar rumah betina tu. Kah kah kah kah!

Mak dia pun tanya, "Lebai, dah selesai urusan cerai kau?"

"Belum lagi mak, rasa sedap pulak merayau-rayau bawah gelegar rumah dia. Nanti la, nak salam-salam raya dulu"


Maknya punya la marah,

"Jantan tak guna! Telor kau tu elok kerat-kerat 18 dan dibagi burung tiong makan. Ini dia, tengok ni ! @#&#mak kau berjambul!"


Wala'on & Candunya

Friday, July 3, 2015

Tarbaek Dari Facebook: Data Happy Hour

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Kah kah ka hkah kah kah!!

Di dalam bulan puasa ini, kita kena bersangka baik. Kah kah kah!

Iya betul, mereka golongan bersyukur. Meraka tak pernah merungut, lagi pun harga getah sekarang ini ialah RM68-00 sekilo. Kahkahkah!

Menoreh getahlah kerja paling mudah dalam dunia. Turun pukul 7 pagi, balik rumah pukul 9 pagi. Tengahari boleh menggentel, petang boleh, malam boleh sambung menggentel balik. Kah kah kah kah!!!

Gentel jangan tak gentel. Kah ka hkah kah!!

Mana pernah mereka merungut harga barang makin naik, harga petrol makin naik. Tak pernah. Kah kah kah!!

Anak-anak depa pun pergi sekolah paling kurang bawak RM2 dalam kocek.

Tuan-tuan syeikh dan puan-puan syeikh,

Kalau nak pungut data rungutan, jgn pungut dari kedai kopi kampung. Juga jangan pungut time buka puasa. Itu data happy-hour. Kah kah kah kah kah!!!

Juga time puasa-puasa ni, jagalah makan minum. Kah kah ka hkah kah!!! Jangan sampai tertelan semut.

Termakan semut boleh bodo 44 hari. Betul ke? Kah ka hka hkah kah!!!