Monday, November 19, 2012

Pssst! Cikgu-cikgi Masih Nak Mengundi UMNO?

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Letih la kalau masih nak mengundi UMNO.
Masih tak sedar-sedar.

Sedar la...
Pen beli sendiri.
Pensel beli sendiri.
Marker beli sendiri.

Kertas A4 beli sendiri.
Fotostat duit sendiri.
Dakwat printer kena beli pakai duit sendiri.

Kerja menimbun.
Kerja cikgu-cikgi ni, sibuk sesangatlah!
Nak maen pun kadang-kadang kena tangguh. Kena adjust.
Kadang-kadang langsung berhari-hari tak dapat.

Kerja bawak balik rumah.
Kalaulah boleh claim overtime ok la jugak.
Tension. Boleh naik darah tinggi.
Melempang budak dah tak boleh, nanti kena dakwa-dakwi.

Hari Sabtu pun kena kerja. Sapa kata cikgu cuti hari Sabtu?
Bodo punya Guru Besar/Pengetua. Ini jenis kaki dengki lahanat.

Sudah-sudahlah wahai cikgu-cikdi, jangan dibagi undi kpd UMNO.

Masih tak mau mengundi Pakatan? Masih lagi ingin terhegeh-hegeh mengundi UMNO?
Pergi la tengok muka sendiri dalam cermin bilik air. Pergi basuh muka.
Kemudian pergi masuk bilik, duduk bersila diam-diam sorang-sorang.
Kemudian slow-slow bongkok, sendiri kolomlah!

Psst! Masih nak mengundi UMNO?

Monday, November 12, 2012

Sayang Sarawak Airnya Hujan!

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Kah kah kahkahkahkah!!!
Bukan Selangor negeri pertama yg memberi air percuma kepada rakyatnya,
Khalid Brahim tipu!
Kah kahkahkhak kah!


Kumpul lah duit. Buat beli tambang AirAsia ke Sarawak.
Kumpul cukup-cukup untuk makan minum juga.

Pergilah ke pendalaman Sarawak untuk perjalanan sekali seumur hidup. Anda tidak akan menyesal. Percayalah.

Aku telah menikmatinya.

Mandilah dengan air hujan. Basuh pakaian dengan air hujan. Memasak dengan air hujan. Basuh berak dengan air hujan.

Dan rasailah gigitan rengit diponggong kamu dikala kamu ke jamban.

Bahawa tiada gigitan nyamuk sebisa gigitan nyamuk rengit.

Dan tiada nikmat menggaru, senikmat menggaru gigitan rengit.

Boleh berdarah ponggong digaru beb!

Kah kah kah kah!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

What meaning has Hajj in the age of capitalism?

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Jahanzeb Hussain 05 November 2012

Hajj is one of the five pillars of Islam and is obligatory upon all those Muslims who are physically fit and financially endowed to make a journey to Makkah at least once in their lifetime. While I have never been able to see Hajj to be anything beyond a mere ritual, I am aware that this journey could be of a great deal of importance when it comes to the spirituality of a believer.

Every person has their own temperament and how Hajj might effect that temperament varies from person to person. Despite this, I still do not see Hajj as anything more than a ritual which is merely physical, or is at least treated as just a physical practice without any connection to the realm of spirituality or to a deeper understanding of self and existence.

Like every other Islamic pillar of faith, Hajj has also become a formality of the physical practice of religion and rests on no appreciation of religion beyond that. Thus, as I have witnessed in real life, you can wake up in the morning and go to your office which happens to be in some government ministry or service and demand bribes so that the paperwork which is submitted by some working person to have for example water connection to his house can move on. Then you can take an afternoon break and go for daily prayers. In fact, you might also be fasting during the month of Ramadan while you are busy with that work routine.

Such examples are abundant across the Muslim world where some of the most corrupt government officials also happen to be the most religious on surface. Their religiosity does not go any deeper than that – it stays on their face in the shape of beards, turbans, rosary, and a Quran on their office desks. What I meant to say about religious practices in Islam becoming nothing more than a physical ritual is precisely demonstrated by the above example: Corruption and much worse goes on and on, especially by some of the most pious looking people, because religion has no meaning beyond such thoughtless repetitive actions or outward demeanor.

In such a case, appearance of religiosity can go along perfectly well alongside every other sin that exists in the book, since the true meaning of the religion, its teachings and the reasons behind these rituals are not taken into account. This is not necessarily because religion is manipulated or is used as a token though this certainly is the case on many occasions. What is also true is that these people are not impostors and conscious of it; they honestly believe or have come to internalize that, as long as they can zealously perform daily prayers, fast during Ramazan or go to Hajj, their daily, yearly or lifelong sins can be forgiven respectively, regardless of what kind of actions their everyday life is made up of.

It is also natural to expect such behavior in a society where the moral and essential teachings of religion are dismissed because inwardness and personal transformation have no value since it is the outward actions that are looked at by a judgmental and voyeur society. Before one dies and appears before God to be judged, he or she has to constantly be judged and judge others in this lifetime based on outward actions and appearances. The equivalent of this in Western societies is charity: Even the most criminal of capitalist corporations have a charity foundation through which they transfer crumbs from their table to whom they otherwise ruthlessly exploit every passing second. Their belief is also the same – either honest or cynical – that occasional actions such as donating a few cents to the poor are redemptive. Similar to their Muslim counterparts, their daily practices and what they entail is looked over because structural requirements.

The Hajj has been debased in more ways than one. Historically, the Hajj was carried out by a handful of people every year and most of the pilgrims were Muslim notables, scholars, and politicians. The guardianship of the Kabah, historically, has belonged to a single tribe which allowed that tribe to attain a prime position of power in terms of politics and social standing, both locally and beyond. The right to host the pilgrims and the claim to the guardianship of the Kabah is lucrative in many domains and the struggle to the claim is a notion of power rather than love for the religion.

The importance of pilgrimage to Makkah and who controls the Kabah is something that goes back hundreds of years before the coming of Islam. After the death of the Prophet, the civil war that broke out between Muslims on the question of who was the succeed the Prophet had for its roots a conscious power struggle by the most powerful and rich clans of Omar and Usman in order to take control of the holiest site in Islam. Notwithstanding the transformative and egalitarian nature of Islam, Prophet Mohammad and his teachings were unable to change some of the fundamental features and impulses of the Arabian society, which continue to this day. What ensued after His death was a far cry from what he wanted Makkah to be – a sanctuary where one would even forgive the murderer of one’s father.

Modern Makkah also reflects some of the most egoistic and greedy traits of human life that the Prophet and his religion wanted to eliminate, especially in very house of Islam. Ever since the creation of Saudi Arabia in 1932 after the conquest of that land by Abdul-Aziz Ibn Saud, the holy sites of Islam have started to lose their cultural integrity and the Hajj has increasingly become a capitalist venture. Spirituality has gone out of the window to be replaced by consumerism. Every aspect of Hajj has become an opportunity to make money and to promote business and state hegemony. The class divide at the pilgrimage is also blatant. This circus takes place every year under the watchful eyes of the Saudi religious and political authorities, embodied by the satanic clock tower which hovers above the Kabah.

Saudi Arabia receives around 3 million pilgrims per year which brings billions of dollars in revenue for the Saudi state since pilgrims have to pay for services they receive at Hajj. The payment for these services such as tents, water, mattresses, air conditioning, and security has to be made prior to making the Hajj. By default, therefore, the access to Hajj becomes exclusive to those who have the ability to pay for these services.

It is reasonable to demand that these services should be made available for free or for a much lower cost so that lower income people can carry out the Hajj without putting themselves under undue financial pressure, especially when one takes into account the wealth the Saudi state already has thanks to petrol revenues. However, this is not the case. In fact, the cost of Hajj keeps increasing every year. One might react and say that it is understandable that Saudi Arabia demands money for Hajj given the sheer scale of the pilgrimage and logistical challenge it poses every year. But this claim can be easily countered when looking at another Islamic gathering which takes place in Karbala, Iraq every year. Chehlom or the Fortieth Day is marked by Shia Muslims in remembrance of Imam Hussain – the grandson of the Prophet and the son of Imam Ali – and his martyrdom.

While Saudi Arabia receives around 3 million people, Iraq hosted almost 18 million Shia pilgrims in 2009 in two days. Contrary to Saudi Arabia, Iraq does not demand payment for pilgrimage even though it is a war-torn country, while Saudi Arabia is the largest exporter of oil in the world. What this shows is that a decimated country like Iraq, which can hardly provide security for its own citizens, can stage one of the largest – if not the largest – human gathering in the world and provide them with free shelter and food, while a wealthy petro-state like Saudi Arabia feels that it is necessary to make money out of a religious obligation.

Unlike Iraq, Saudi Arabia has also placed quotas on each country and the maximum number of pilgrims they can send every year. There is an entire industry that has been created around Hajj as well. For example, Hajj is a tour which is organized by tour and holiday operators just as their regular tours and deals. There is no difference between a normal week-long holiday tour and the Hajj when it comes to the business logic behind it because capital reduces everything down to the same fine line. Similarly, advertisement companies also make large profits because such a gathering of people provides a perfect occasion to advertise your products and services.

Modern Hajj cannot be complete without shopping. The clock tower is not only a hotel but it also has a shopping mall, where the pious can quickly revert to their real state of being by spending money on Gucci, Prada, Swatch, and gold. The parallel existence of religious practice and every other debased worldly practice that I described earlier in the essay are present at the Hajj, too.

The Kabah is literally surrounded by dichotomous centers that embody gluttony, greed, exhibition and selfishness. A pilgrim is lurked by the constant presence of these things. Once inside the mosque that houses the Kabah, a pilgrim is continuously reminded, psychologically and by its physical presence, that there is another force out there which is more luring, fruitful and one which gives you immediate rewards. And once inside those centers such as five-star hotels and shopping malls, one is constantly reminded that purification and salvation is just a step away, and that it is OK to be such a social creature as long as forgiveness is right around the corner and one can always have access to it.

Spending enormous amounts of money on self-glorification and self-exhibition by buying luxury goods goes simultaneously with praising the Almighty, and that, too, in comfort: Those who can afford to pay thousands of dollars per night for a room in the clock tower can ensure for themselves utmost opulence. In fact, the clock tower advertisement sells its room as ‘Divine Stay.’ Before the pious reach heaven thanks to their Hajj, they might as well stay in God’s company while on earth. If to reach God in the afterlife is through Hajj, then it seems that to reach Him in this life is through money. The internet connection in these places is called ‘Holy Internet.’ Maybe it is a hotline to God. A part from the clock tower, the Kabah is surrounded by other five-star hotels, which shows that class differences are well and alive. So much for the much talked about Muslim solidarity. One thing, though, that has be stated is this: The meaning of Hajj is lost if you to the Makkah and stay in a five-star hotel.

The hideous clock tower represents a plague that has taken over Makkah. It represents capitalism and technology, which negates the traditional and cultural aspects on that city. The Saudi authorities are technocratic and rabid capitalists who also believe in the cult of technology as modernity and progress.

As a result, the historic remains of early Islam and of the Ottoman era have been completely razed. Makkah now looks like a city which belongs to a people who have no history, identity, and culture. All the buildings associated with the life of the Prophet have been destroyed. The house of Hazrat Khadija who was the first wife of the Prophet was destroyed, only to be replaced by a block of … toilets.

The house of Hazrat Abu Bakr who was the first Caliph was also destroyed; the Hilton hotel stands over it today. In early 2002, a few hundred feet from the Abdul Aziz gate, King Fahd demolished an ochre-colored Ottoman fortress that had been built in 1781 on Mt. Bulbul, one of the five hills that overlooked the Kabah, to guard Makkah from tribal raids. The dilapidated fortress was a modest presence that blended in with its natural surroundings. Its destruction soured relations between Saudi Arabia and Turkey.

M. Istemihan Talay, then the Turkish minister of culture, described it as “no different from the pulling down of the Buddha monuments in Afghanistan.” The last vestiges of the Ottoman history are also being decimated, while in Madinah the tomb of Imam Hasan, Imam Ali and Hazrat Fatima was destroyed in 1925. There is a McDonald’s and Burger King near the Kabah and the same neon lights that light up strip clubs and casinos in Las Vegas light up the ‘Allahu Akbar’ sign on the clock tower. The construction around the Kabah is still going on and the plan is to make Makkah a ‘smart city.’ What that means is that the expansion of the Kabah will be technologically determined. It would not be surprising that in the next 20 years the Kabah will resemble some sort of a space ship. It is also important to add that the contract for the construction has been given to the Saudi BinLaden Group

I already highlighted what I think are the reasons for the fiasco that the Hajj has become. What I would like to add to it is how the Saudis win the consent of Muslims for these projects and what gives them cultural hegemony. Muslim societies suffer from a low self-esteem, identity crisis and a inferiority complex vis-à-vis the West. In this context, when they see the development around the Hajj, they see it as advancement and an entry of Islam in the modern world side by side of the technologically advanced West. Sadly, they have a blind-spot which they opt to ignore because they need something to stick on it and believe in. They want to imitate the West in order to feel worthy. The price to pay for it is one’s own identity and Islam’s history. Secondly, the Saudis have a cultural hegemony since they are the guardians of the Kabah. As a result, it is common in places like Pakistan for example to believe that the Saudis are holy and perfect and that their version of Islam is the purest. The consequence of this belief is there to see.

Its accuracy is debated but the Prophet supposedly predicted that one of the signs of the end times will be when tall buildings are built around the Kabah and the time ticks down on it. The clock tower is that building. It perhaps is also the Dajal or the Anti-Christ who is said to have one eye only and is the most corrupted influence in the world. The clock tower is a supreme mark of capitalism, a system which also has one eye and one perspective: Money. 

 * The writer, a 22-year old student based in Vancouver, is the editor of Collateral Damage Magazine.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Cikgu-cikgi Takde Masa Nak Maen

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KUALA LUMPUR: Persatuan Gerakan Kebangkitan Pendidik Kebangsaan (Pendidik) memohon agar Kementerian Pelajaran mengkaji semula pelaksanaan Pentaksiran Berasaskan Sekolah (PBS) yang mewujudkan tekanan kerja yang melampau di kalangan guru.

Presiden Pendidik Normala Sudirman berkata, terlalu banyak aduan yang diterima oleh Jawatankuasa Pendidik berhubung isu PBS malah ada yang menyifatkan guru dilayan seperti 'robot' dan hak serta masa rehat mereka dirampas.

Katanya, urusan dokumentasi, kerja- kerja perkeranian serta pemprosesan markah telah menjejaskan tumpuan dan perancangan rapi guru terhadap keberkesanan pengajaran dan pembelajaran, Sedangkan ia merupakan faktor penting dan penentu kejayaan pelaksanaan PBS.

"Guru terpaksa bersengkang mata dan bangun malam untuk ‘key in’ data hingga pukul 2- 3 pagi di rumah untuk mengurus sistem fail pelajar .Contohnya kalau ada 40 pelajar, maka begitulah jumlah fail yang menyebabkan guru- guru terbeban dengan ‘kerja- kerja perkeranian’.

"Ini menjejaskan tumpuan guru dalam pengajaran dan pembelajaran. Bagaimana pula dengan guru yang terpaksa mengajar dua atau tiga mata pelajaran sehingga terpaksa ‘key in’ data 120 orang pelajar?"tegasnya.

Katanya, hak dan masa rehat guru serta kebajikan warga pendidik perlu diambil perhatian oleh Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia dalam pelaksanaan PBS ini supaya guru tidak dibebankan dengan urusan tugas- tugas perkeranian.

Dalam pelaksanaan PBS, katanya kelajuan internet adalah perkara paling penting dan segala masalah yang timbul berkitan akses capaian internet yang terganggu, menyebabkan urusan untuk proses dokumentasi penilaian untuk ‘key in' data tidak dapat dilakukan.

"Selagi akses capaian internet 1 Bestari Net yang menggantikan School Net di sekolah masih belum diatasi, maka tangguh dahulu PBS ini dan kaji semula pelaksanaannya," katanya ketika ditemui. Tambahan pula soalnya, bagaimana dengan nasib 800,000 pelajar dari Sekolah Agama Rakyat (SAR) yang tidak diberi kod untuk melaksanakan PBS ini?

"Apakah mereka dianggap telah terkeluar dari kerangka sisitem pendidikan negara? Bagaimana dengan nasib mereka pada masa hadapan?Seolah- olah kerajaan meminggirkan peranan mereka yang juga merupakan warganegara Malaysia," katanya. 

Justeru, beliau mencadangkan agar guru-guru diberi kursus peningkatan secara profesional dan kursus pemantapan secara terancang supaya pelaksanaan PBS dapat berjalan dengan lancar.

Remember Marco Materazzi?

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Marco Materazzi Sitting On The Zidane Headbutt Statue

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Kisah Seekor Budak Melayu Bangang

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Hummer yg berkat ialah Hummer yg terbakar dalam hutan Grik

Budak Melayu bangang seekor ini, sejak kecik disuap dengan sudu emas.

Inilah seekor budak Melayu bangang yg mungkin tak tahu dia keluar ikut lubang mana. Dalam bangangnya dia fikir dia istimewa. Dia merasakan dirinya keturunan yg turun dari kayangan. Bagi seekor budak Melayu bangang ini, 'membujur lalu, melintang aku bagi tau bapak aku'!

Walhal, dia muncul didunia ini sepertimana orang lain juga, yakni melalui benda 'selebar 2 jari, panjang 3 inci' ibunya.

Inilah dasar seekor budak Melayu bangang tak sedar diuntung. Seekor budak Melayu bangang yg tak reti basa susah.

Budak Melayu bangang seekor ini terkembang terkemut lubang hidungnya dapat memulas steering Hummer.

Inilah seekor budak Melayu bangang yg tidak mengambil peduli bahawa betapa majunya suku-sakat Michael Chia itu yg telah ada beribu-ribu dewan perniagaan.

Budak Melayu bangang ini tidak akan mengambil peduli bahawa suku-sakatnya sendiri yg cuma ada 'dewan orang ramai'. Itulah tempat bapaknya menabur auta dan menagih undi di kampung-kampung.

Dasar seekor budak Melayu bangang yg masih tak sedar-sedar bahawa bapaknya diangkat tinggi, berpangkat tinggi, berkuasa dan berduit itu adalah amanah petani, pekebun kecil, penoreh getah dan pesawah padi yg telah memberi undi.

Bangang sampai ke tulang sulbi.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Musim Melayu Mengawan Sudah Tiba

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Dek kerana anak lelakinya telah beroleh benda 'lebar 2 jari panjang 3 inci', si Ali berbelanja harimau dan kerajaan negeri Melaka juga dikerah sama-sama berbelanja harimau. Telah pun dicanangkan oleh syarikat air kencing setan terkemuka bahawa majlisnya memang ter'grand' di Malaysia.

Itu kisah si Ali anak beranak. Tapi kita rakyat marhaen, ada musim 'grand'. Kita menunggu musim tengkujuh Nov/Dis merangkap musim cuti panjang sekolah, kerana musim-musim ini ialah musim Melayu mengawan. Kenduri kahwin disana sini. Makan free.

Tiada ubi kentang sesedap ubi kentang didalam gulai kawah kenduri kahwin. Juga tiada telur rebus sesedap bunga telur yg dibawak balik oleh bapak aku dari kenduri kahwin. Nostalgia!

Dewasa ini aku dapati ubi kentang dan telur rebus itu tidak sesedap dahulu. Mungkin sebab tiada lagi semangat kerja gotong-royong mengerjakan kenduri. Semua telah tua, sombong dan tak larat manakala anak muda telah meninggalkan kampung. Tiada lagi tenaga kerja percuma. Upah saja syarikat katering.

Dewasa ini juga aku dapati trend bersanding atas pelamin umpama mempelai Hindu telah kembali popular. Lagi hebat lagi cantik lagi mahal! Kahkahkahkah! Inilah dia penangan benda 'lebar 2 jari panjang 3 inci'. Bergolok bergadai jual buah pinggang pun sanggup. Apa pun sanggup. Mamat tengah happy.

Seingat aku, musim mengawan/musim cuti sekolah juga selalunya PRU diadakan.

Habis, PRU13 kita ini nak diadakan dimusim mengawan mana?

Takkan la cuti sekolah Nov/Dis ini. Ini musim tengkujuh. Sejuk. Habis kecut telor UMNO. 

Cuti sekolah bulan 3 tahun depan kot.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Sindrom Fatol Barua

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Percayalah, dengan hanya menonton tv dirumah sahaja, kita boleh tahu kekuatan tulang belakang seseorang ilmuan agama. 

Para ilmuan agama yg tak pernah muncul atau jarang sangat muncul di kaca tv itulah yg kuat tegap tulang belakangnya dan berupaya mencari makan sendiri. Dia tak perlu menjual akhiratnya untuk hidup senang di dunia. Ilmuan semacam ini ada seciput dan semakin pupus.

Yang lembik dan bengkok tulang belakangnya itulah yg kerap muncul dikaca tv. Berceramah bercerita itu ini tentang agama. Hidup ingin disuap setiap hari. Nama ingin dijulang. Telor ingin digosok selalu. Hidupnya penuh glamour, muka selalu keluar tv. Sebesar cacing kerawit pun aku tak percaya ilmuan agama seperti ini tidak mengikut skrip.

Inilah yg dikatakan Sindrom Fatol Barua. Sindrom Fatol Barua menyerang ilmuan agama sebagaimana Sindrom Terkacip Batu yg menyerang ahli politik. 

Terkini, kita lihat bagaimana hebatnya sindrom ini menyerang ilmuan agama setelah seorang pelakon porno MCA berhujah mengenai hudud.

Memanglah amat celaka apabila orang bukan Islam cuba bijak-memandai mengenai hudud. Pelakon porno itu bernasib baik kerana ini Kuala Lumpur bukan Kabul. Jika tidak tengkuknya gerenti kena kerat.

Ralat sungguh apabila semua ilmuan agama yg makan gaji besar, berpangkat besar, yg mukan selalu keluar suratkhabar dan ada rancangan sendiri di tv, senyap tak berkutik!

Apa wirid ilmuan agama seperti ini gamaknya? Sampai biru-biru lidah jadi kelu. 

Mungkin wiridnya, "Amenoutusanmeloyamahafiraun, amenoutusanmeloyamahafiraun, amenoutusanmeloyamahafiraun!"

Thursday, November 1, 2012


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Kartun dicedok dari FB Zunar Kartunis

Hancai-boncai bumi bertuah ini bukan kerana penjajah datang menjarah.

Sampai bila nak menyalahkan Portugis, Belanda, Jepun, England, George Soros atau pun Pak Man Telo? British dah berambus 55 tahun dulu. Tanah ini tanah merdeka yang boleh membawa diri sendiri.

Bukaklah bijik mata, bumi bertuah ini sebenarnya jadi hancai boncai kerana dijarah oleh UMNO/BN. 

Hancai-boncai ini bertambah teruk sebermula rejim Mahafiraun Mohazalim.

Gambar diatas menyimpulkan dengan jelas bahawa rejim Mahafiraun mengamalkan Skim Takde Hati Perut. Moto skim ini ialah, 'Membujur lalu, melintang kena ISA.'

Setelah 23 tahun menjarah, skim Mahafiraun digantikan dengan Skim Takde Otak. Satu Malaya kena tipu dengan skim ini yg disangkakan skim yg elok kerana 'kunun'nya dikepalai orang alim dan lebai-lebai. Skim ini dipanggil Skim Takde Otak bukan kerana kepala bananya tak berotak, tetapi kerana kepala bananya malas nak berfikir sendiri, suka tidoooor! Kahkahkah!!! Habis apa segala serah kepada anak menantu.

Kemudian datang Skim Takde Telor. Ini skim terbaru. Skim inilah yg paling merbahaya diantara tiga skim. Kerana ia menggabungkan semua sifat-sifat 3 skim diatas. Ia dilihat memang tak bertelor dan berotak, kerana selepas Batu Putih kena pau Tanjung Pagar pun kena pau jugak! Moto skim ini mirip skim Mahafiraun, 'Membujur lalu, melintang aku bawak pergi Port Dickson!' Kahkahkah!!!

Semua skim-skim diatas sifatnya sama sahaja. Kiblatnya kuasa dan duit. Anak-beranak, kaum-kerabat dan suku-sakat buntang terlentang duit bergantang-gantang.

Kepala bana skim-skim ini tidak layak hatta kedalam tong sampah sejarah sekali pun. Pun begitu, tidaklah sampai tahap mereka ini kita doakan rusuk kiri bertemu rusuk kanan didalam liang lahat yang sempit. Kan??