Monday, January 16, 2012

Bila BULU Telah Berlainan Warna


Perbualan 2 pegawai tinggi dan penting kerajaan Malaysia;

"Lu jawab lah bossss..."

"Benda lembu-lembu ini terjadi semasa lu jadi kepala mandor dulu la bosssss." 

"Wa dah tak larat boss. Wa dah gemok. Makan sedap mahal-mahal. Daging lembu pejal segar-segar. Duduk dalam rumah mahligai. Inang dayang wa lu tak tau berapa ramai boss. Kereta wa besar-besar, banyak pulak tu." 


"Tapi orang kampung tetap respek sama wa boss. Cukup 4-5 tahun kompom undi wa."

"Lu jawab la boss, lu lagi hebat, tengkuk lu besar batang pinang." (sini)

Agak-agak 2 gedabak ini sebulu ke? kahkahkahkah Ini dah macam bulu masing-masing lain kaler. Ini dah macam main pass-pass taik lembu. Masing-masing tak larat hidu taik lembu. Tauke taik lembu siang-siang dah ciau ambik cuti. (sini)

Inilah perangai UMNO/BN, "wa puak wa, lu puak lu"

Jawab sembab, jawab. Kah kah kah kah!!!!



~Libang Libu

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Amil Khir, MENCELUP Dan Berjihadlah!

Kita rakyat marhaen, 
cuma dapat udang celup tepung!
Kah kah kah!!!
Kah kah kah! Macam haram. Bukan celup itu lah!!!

Ini isu Si Amil Khir yg kemaruk mencelup tangan kedalam tabung zakat WP (sini). Isu zakat sensitif bagi orang Melayu Islam. Orang Melayu kalau bab haji, bab puasa, bab zakat ambik berat benar. Isu ini peluang Pakatan. Hurung isu si Amil Khir ini umpama ulat dapat bangkai. Ulat kalau dapat bangkai dikerjakan cukup-cukup. Bermukim berkampung sampai tinggal tulang.

Canai isu ini kaw-kaw. Gosok gentel. Biar sampai berair berlendir.

Biar sampai si Amil Khir tersangap-sangap. Biar dia rimas. Biar dia huru-hara. Lagi elok kalau sampai berjual rumah juta-jutanya.

Biar sampai luruh semua misai si Amil Khir.


Tapi ada pulak  sorang Pak Lebai mengatakan perbuatan Si Amil Khir mencelup dah masuk kategori jihad! (sini). Kah kah kah kah!!!

Habis la... habis...

Habis semua yang kerja dgn Jakim, Maiwp, Jais, Mais, Ais, habis semua masuk syurga.

~Libang Libu~

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10 Mad Balotelli Moments

Ini telur Balotelli,
bukan telur Madey.
He caused fireworks at the weekend - once at home and then at the Theatre Of Dreams. And even the day after Manchester City's 6-1 win at Old Trafford, Mario Balotelli's name was still on everyone's lips after unconfirmed reports that he'd been spotted driving slowly through Manchester city centre in his Bentley convertible with the roof down and music blaring, stopping to high-five any Blues fans who spotted him.

Monday also saw the arrival of a brand new and possibly apocryphal chapter in the Balotelli legend. You'll find it at number one on our list of mad and magical Mario moments...

10) Two weeks into his Manchester City career, we all knew something very special had arrived in England when we heard the tale of what happened when Balotelli crashed his Audi R8 near City's Carrington training ground. Police were quickly on the scene to breathalyse, question and search the young Italian. They were particularly keen to know why he had £5,000 in his back pocket, to which Balotelli replied in his halting English: "Because I am rich."

9) Balotelli failed to emerge for the second half of a Europa League game in freezing Kiev last season after suffering an allergic reaction to the grass. Some commentators sneered that he simply didn't fancy the minus-6 temperatures, but Balo did emerge at the airport with obvious swelling to his face, lips and tongue, as well as sores on his legs.

8) In March, Balotelli was fined a week's wages - just the £100,000, then - after being caught throwing darts at youth players from a training ground window. Luckily, he missed, suggesting he'd never win top prize on the revived TV show Bullseye. But then he's probably got a speedboat already.

7) Happily, something good has come from the unfortunate incidents listed above. It's the City chant which goes: "Oooh Balotelli, he's a striker, he's good at darts. An allergy to grass but when he plays he's f***ing class. He drives around in Moss Side with a wallet full of cash."

He caused fireworks at the weekend - once at home and then at the Theatre Of Dreams. And even the day after Manchester City's 6-1 win at Old Trafford, Mario Balotelli's name was still on everyone's lips after unconfirmed reports that he'd been spotted driving slowly through Manchester city centre in his Bentley convertible with the roof down and music blaring, stopping to high-five any Blues fans who spotted him.

Monday also saw the arrival of a brand new and possibly apocryphal chapter in the Balotelli legend. You'll find it at number one on our list of mad and magical Mario moments...

10) Two weeks into his Manchester City career, we all knew something very special had arrived in England when we heard the tale of what happened when Balotelli crashed his Audi R8 near City's Carrington training ground. Police were quickly on the scene to breathalyse, question and search the young Italian. They were particularly keen to know why he had £5,000 in his back pocket, to which Balotelli replied in his halting English: "Because I am rich."

9) Balotelli failed to emerge for the second half of a Europa League game in freezing Kiev last season after suffering an allergic reaction to the grass. Some commentators sneered that he simply didn't fancy the minus-6 temperatures, but Balo did emerge at the airport with obvious swelling to his face, lips and tongue, as well as sores on his legs.

8) In March, Balotelli was fined a week's wages - just the £100,000, then - after being caught throwing darts at youth players from a training ground window. Luckily, he missed, suggesting he'd never win top prize on the revived TV show Bullseye. But then he's probably got a speedboat already.

7) Happily, something good has come from the unfortunate incidents listed above. It's the City chant which goes: "Oooh Balotelli, he's a striker, he's good at darts. An allergy to grass but when he plays he's f***ing class. He drives around in Moss Side with a wallet full of cash."

He caused fireworks at the weekend - once at home and then at the Theatre Of Dreams. And even the day after Manchester City's 6-1 win at Old Trafford, Mario Balotelli's name was still on everyone's lips after unconfirmed reports that he'd been spotted driving slowly through Manchester city centre in his Bentley convertible with the roof down and music blaring, stopping to high-five any Blues fans who spotted him.

Monday also saw the arrival of a brand new and possibly apocryphal chapter in the Balotelli legend. You'll find it at number one on our list of mad and magical Mario moments...

10) Two weeks into his Manchester City career, we all knew something very special had arrived in England when we heard the tale of what happened when Balotelli crashed his Audi R8 near City's Carrington training ground. Police were quickly on the scene to breathalyse, question and search the young Italian. They were particularly keen to know why he had £5,000 in his back pocket, to which Balotelli replied in his halting English: "Because I am rich."

9) Balotelli failed to emerge for the second half of a Europa League game in freezing Kiev last season after suffering an allergic reaction to the grass. Some commentators sneered that he simply didn't fancy the minus-6 temperatures, but Balo did emerge at the airport with obvious swelling to his face, lips and tongue, as well as sores on his legs.

8) In March, Balotelli was fined a week's wages - just the £100,000, then - after being caught throwing darts at youth players from a training ground window. Luckily, he missed, suggesting he'd never win top prize on the revived TV show Bullseye. But then he's probably got a speedboat already.

7) Happily, something good has come from the unfortunate incidents listed above. It's the City chant which goes: "Oooh Balotelli, he's a striker, he's good at darts. An allergy to grass but when he plays he's f***ing class. He drives around in Moss Side with a wallet full of cash."

more at mirrorfootball
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Sayang Sarawak, Sungainya Banyak Bot

Sayang Sarawak, banyak sungainya tiada jambatan
Oleh Asi Dani

11 January 2012


CERPEN

Bulan lalu, aku yang dalam perjalanan ke Kota Kinabalu, sempat singgah di Kuching, gara-gara jemputan seorang teman. Mengikut perubahan jadual perjalanan, maka dari bandar Kuching aku akan bertolak ke KK. Tiket asal yang ku beli pada awalnya, lebur begitu sahaja.

Tak mengapalah, ini jemputan istimewa dari seorang rakan baik, aku gelarkan namanya di sini sebagai Z.

“Asi, jom follow aku, kita ronda Kuching,” pantas dia mengajak sebaik aku memijak kaki ke ibu negeri Sarawak ini.

“Ke mana? Bandar?” soal aku.

“Buat apa ronda bandar, sama je dengan mana-mana tempat pun. Kita ke pinggir bandar dulu, ambil angin,” Z menjelaskan.

Aku hanya diam, mata lebih tertarik untuk melihat persekitaran luar. Perlahan-lahan kereta kami bergerak dari kawasan lapangan terbang, masuk ke kawasan bandar. Dalam masa berborak-borak inilah, sedar-sedar kami sudah meninggalkan kawasan bandar yang agak sibuk.

Kami memasuki satu wilayah yang lebih tenang.

“Ex-girl friend kau dulu di UNIMAS kan?” tiba-tiba Z menyoal.

“Ha, kenapa?”

“Tu sebelah, UNIMAS, ” Z menjawab dengan nada menyindir sambil memuncungkan bibirnya menunjuk arah bangunan universiti yang disebutnya.

Kami ketawa.

“Hampeh la kau, awek tu dah beranak dua pun,” Aku cuba meredakan usikan Z. Gadis manis yang aku maksudkan ini dahulunya bercinta bagai nak rak dengan aku, tapi kami gagal. Kini aku dan Z sama-sama tahu wanita itu sudah pun berkahwin dan beranak-pinak. Dan aku pula, hingga kini masih gagal tetapi terus berlagak macho.

Di pinggir bandar

Tak lama melintasi kawasan kenangan pahit manis itu, Z memperlahankan kereta, belok dan parking.

“Tempat apa ni, bro?” soal aku.

“Kita lepak la kejap, minum kopi,” jawab Z pantas.

“Kopi Sarawak ada?” aku bertanya.

“Jangan kata kopi Sarawak, kopi balak pun ada,” jawab Z tersengih-sengih.

Kami minum sambil mata memerhatikan sekeliling, terasa damai melihat suasana luar bandar dengan gelagat pakcik-pakcik yang melepak di warung kopi. Namun tiada apa yang luar biasa di sini.

Selepas membayar minuman, Z membawa aku melihat ikan-ikan yang baru dinaikkan ke darat. Rupa-rupanya pasar tepi jalan ini bersebelahan dengan sungai. Bau ikan menusuk hidung, macam-macam ikan ada. Tapi aku tak melihat seekor pun ikan terubuk yang popular itu.

Menurut Z, ikan itu tak banyak di sungai ini, hanya dijual di pasar Satok. Malah menurut gosip Z, kebanyakan ikan terubuk masin di Sarawak ini datangnya dari Thailand kerana terubuk Sarawak agak terhad tetapi lebih baik, segar dan besar namun lebih mahal.

Aku mencapai sejenis sayur, membelek-belek. Sangkakan ianya pucuk paku tetapi menurut Z, orang memanggilnya sayur midin, enak di goreng dengan kicap. Pecah air liur aku.

“Jom tengok jeti,” Z mengajak. Aku terus mengikut langkah Z.

“Kau perasan tak, apa tak kena dengan tempat ni?” Z menyoal aku seketika sampai di tepi jeti.

Seketika aku memerhatikan kawasan itu.

“ Ha, kenapa pakai feri? Sungai ni bukan lebar sangat pun,” jawab aku dengan mudah.

“Bagus kalau kau tau, ” Z menjawab dan menyambung, “Kau tak rasa bodoh ke tengok keadaan ni? Cuba kau tengok kegiatan orang kampung di sini, cuba kau tengok orang kampung yang berbaris panjang tu.”

Barulah aku perasan melihat kereta, lori, motosikal dan van (teksi) beratur panjang. Rupa-rupanya mereka berbaris menunggu giliran untuk menaiki feri ke seberang, ke Asajaya.

Feri itu kelihatan hanya boleh memuatkan sekitar 10 kenderaan, sedangkan yang berbaris panjang sudah berpuluh-puluh buah tak termasuk motosikal. Kelihatan pengguna-pengguna feri ini memang rata-ratanya orang kampung.

Melihat kepada jenis kenderaan yang dinaiki, jelas mereka bukan orang kaya. Ada beberapa buah kereta yang sudah cukup uzur dan penuh dengan barang-barang niaga, ada pisang, pakaian kanak-kanak, bakul-bakul sayur dan pelbagai lagi.

Yang di dalam kenderaan ini pula kebanyakannya orang-orang tua dan anak kecil, ibu-ibu dan kakak-kakak. Keadaan menunggu di sini agak pasti akan panas jika pada ketika musim panas.

Ada yang melunjur kaki di dashboard kereta sambil menghisap rokok daun, ada yang termanggu di bahu jalan sambil bermain dengan anak-anaknya. Pendek kata, suasana menunggu disini cukup bosan dan memenatkan.

Kenapa tak buat jambatan?

“Kenapa tak buat jambatan?” soal aku.

“Yes! Soalan kau tu pun soalan aku juga,” Z menjawab. Kami ketawa.

Sambil memerhatikan bot-bot kecil aku menyambung. “Kalau kawasan yang dekat dengan bandar pun tak ada jambatan, yang di hulu lagilah masalah kan?”

Z diam, hanya memberi isyarat tidak tahu dengan kedua-dua bahunya.

“Orang-orang sini tak minta di buat jambatan ke? Dah berapa lama macam ni?” aku tambah lagi soalan, mahu Z menjawabnya.

“Kau rasa orang sini peduli ke pasal politik?” Z menyoal kembali.

“Entah, pilihan raya negeri tahun lepas aku dengar pembangkang dah banyak menang, jadi orang sini peduli la kot, ” jawab aku dengan mengagak.

“Itu kawasan majoriti Cina. Ada juga kawasan Dayak dengan Ulu,” Z menjelaskan. “Sini kawasan majoriti Melayu. Aku pun tak pasti Melayu Sarawak ni peduli atau tak tentang politik sebab dia orang di sini kaum minoriti.”

“Tak kisah la minoriti ke majoriti. Aku baca suratkhabar, BN Sarawak kata dia jaga keperluan asas penduduk. Ni jambatan pun tak ada, apa cerita? Pakatan Rakyat tak kan tak bangkit isu ni?

“Atau kau kat sini tak buat kerja,” aku menyindir Z.

“Eh, tengok orang la. Aku bukan tak buat kerja. Tapi au rasa, kita perlu cukup tokoh tempatan yang kuat, kena ada tokoh Cina, Iban, Ulu dan Melayu yang betul-betul komited, barulah mudah sikit nak tarik minat kaum-kaum di sini supaya berani suarakan hak,” terang Z.

“Kalau macam tu, kau saja lah jadi calon kat sini,” aku mencelah.

“Hahaha, kau nak aku jadi calon sekadar untuk buat jambatan?” soal Z dengan muka selambanya.

Kami teruskan perjalan ke kawasan lain. Terngiang di kepala ku, tak kanlah Ketua Menteri dan pemimpinnya yang hidup mewah kaya-raya sanggup membiarkan anak negeri sendiri hidup menderita.

Sumber: rocket kini
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Video: Gagak Main SNOWBOARD



'Snowboarding' crow a hit in You Tube

A video of a fun-loving crow seemingly using a jar lid to 'snowboard' down a snow-covered roof has gone viral on YouTube.
The one minute 24 second clip of the bird, captured by a family in Russia, has notched up nearly 250,000 hits in just two days.

The hooded crow is seen taking advantage of the chilly winter weather to repeatedly slide down the roof on the round jar lid.


After the enterprising bird successfully slides down the roof, he picks up his lid and flies back to the top to try again.

The second time around, it tries sliding over a bare patch of roof but quickly realises that snow works much better than roof tiles.

The family who captured the moment watched the bird in awe. "Maybe it is teasing us," one of the children says.

Research has revealed that crows are fiercely intelligent, with powerful memories, planning skills and the ability to trick other animals.

Source: dailychilli
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Remember CARLOS VALDERRAMA?

Carlos statue in his hometown of Santa Marta, Colombia

Oh what a player he was...

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