Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ntah-hape-Rais-Libang-libu-Datuk-puter2-alam-Yatim-telungkup-Seri-bangkit balik-Dr-dahi berkilat

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Govt will revise broadband usage target (Bernama)

2009/07/24
KUALA KLAWANG: The Information Communication and Culture Ministry will revise the target of achieving 50 per cent broadband Internet access among households in the country, Minister Datuk Seri Dr Rais Yatim said.

Hehehe Pok Cik ni kat Kuala Klawang pun jadi
Hehehe asalkan dpt bercakap , kan Pok Cik?

Hehehe revise lendir apa pulak ni?
Tu nak bagi org Melayu bodoh la tu..
Tak nak bagi org access internet
Halang org dari baca blog
Sekat maklumat

Sapa nak baca Berita Hairan & Utusan Malayalam tiap² hari?
Hehehe Kompeni s/khabar dah nak bengkrap.

1Malaya dah tau Pok Cik…
Hehehe Pok Cik ni 2x5 dgn Mamak Maidin infotainmen tu..
Hehehe tong kosong ada juga.

HAPA PUNYA LIBANG-LIBU DAAA



Nganga La Luas-luas, Setan Masuk Mulut!

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Perati gambor kat atas elok2.

Boss yang No.1, relax. Senyum takat nampak gigi.
Bunyi ketawa/senyum dia mungkin sekadar “Hi hi hi”, atau pun paling sial bunyinya “Heh heh heh”.

No.2, no.3 & no.4 tu semuanya balaci je. Tukang angguk. Pergi mesyuarat dapat tudung merah free. Tukang turut.

No.3 punya ketawa, bunyinya macam ni..
“keh keh keh”... “kuh kuh kuh”... “waaaa!!!!” “KOH! KOH! KOH! KOH! KOH!”(ketawa macam bunyi ketawa bekas pesakit TB)

No.2 punya ketawa pulak, macam ni...
“Ghorgh ghooogh gHOOOOH ghOOOOH!!!! ghAAAAH GhaaaaaH” (ada problem saluran pernafasan)

No. 4 paling kuat ketawanya, berlumba setan masuk mulut ke perut dia, mulut nganga maksimum. Mana tau, kot2 bos berkenan. Ampu kena lebih.. Dia punya ketawa bunyi memang haramjadah.. “Huuuarghhh! HUARGH! HUARGHHHHH! HOOOGH! HORRRRRGHHHHH! HOORGGGHHHHH!” (Rabit. Patut pun...)

Friday, January 29, 2010

Perbualan 4 Bijik Meter Air

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Meter air biru: Wahai rakyat jelata!!! Marilah kita bersatu padu. Bersatu kita teguh. Marilah kita memperjuangkan hak2 istimewa dan ketuanan kita, menyambung perjuangan datuk nenek kita yang terdahulu.

Meter air hijau 1: Aik?? Tok Uban Dahi Jendul ni? Dia dah la sorang2. Suruh2 orang pergi kat dia pulak. Nak bersatu dgn sapa ni? Kalau berlonggok dengan dia baru dikatakan bersatu? Kalau orang nak berlonggok kat sini dikatakan berpecah-belah. Apa punya hamprak la dia ni. Bini tau ke dia dok meracau-racau ni…

Meter air hijau 2: Dia dah la sorang2. Dah tak ada orang nak ikut berlonggok jolok menjolok, kaw tim kaw tim lagi ke? Duit dah byk kapor, byk juga kena rembat. Kain pelikat dah bergudang kena sental. Orang tak datang jugak? Orang nak tanah, orang nak royalti minyak la. Tak paham2 lagi. Dah lunyai kena titik tahun lepas, baru terhegeh2 ajak bersatu. Gebang2 kehulu kehilir kata ahli ada 3 juta. Ajak org pergi join dia buat hapa?


Meter air hijau 3: Tok Uban dah nak nyanyuk kot. Tok Uban jangan diikut sangat si tua melengkung pungkoq pipih tu. Dah berpuluh tahun mulut dia meracau bab ketuanan, bab hak istimewa. Hasilnya dia jugak yg kapor hak2 istimewa, dia jugak yg jadi tuan. Puak2 ni apa kisah, makan dpt free, rumah free, petrol free, kereta free, kapal terbang free, kapal selam pun boleh dapat free. Puak2 hamprak ni apa dia kisah. Jangan dengar cakap dia, balaci je dia tu. Pak angguk.

Holy Crabs!!

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Daro, Sarawak.


Unfortunately, these small and colourful crabs are not edible. They are called ‘ghamah’ in local lingo. These ‘ghamah’ dig burrows and built mounds of soil on the wet land as their homes.



Under the stilted houses in Daro and other various coastal part of Sarawak too, there are mounds of soil in various sizes being constructed by the ‘ghamah’.

Being a shy creature, a ‘ghamah’ will disappear quickly into its burrow upon noticing a slight movement. And they are camera-shy too!

Hisham Keris

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Isham Keris to Rakyat 1Malaya:

1.“Huargh huarghhhh… sumpah bang, sumpah.. aku mana gheti pegang keris. Aku acah2 je ”

2.“Keris hari tu bukan keris betol daa.. itu keris pengantin, aku pinjam”

3.“kah kah ..kecoh betul la, aku ingat nak cium senapang hari tu. Tapi ramai tak kasi”

4.“Dey.. dey! Mana ada orang guna keris lagi, sekarang ni orang pakai bedil je!”

5.“Kih kih kih.. aku bukannya berani sangat. Ramai2 macam hari tu aku berani le, kalau sorang2 aku tak buat daa. Aku lari le Dol.. !”
6.“Hehe heh tolong jangan percaya la. Aku tak berniat pon nak jadi hero. Seksa jadi hero, nanti kena dakwa main ’lewat’, tilam kena usung, kena sumbat dalam jel, kena karate, mata lebam. Tak nak aku!”

'Anu' Dia Pakai Cincin

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Alat pembesar zakar bersalut emas

OTTAWA 6 Ogos - Bila sudah kaya, apa sahaja boleh dibeli. Termasuk yang aneh-aneh. Seorang ahli perniagaan Arab Saudi telah membeli alat pembesar zakar paling mahal di dunia, iaitu bersalut emas 18 karat, bernilai hampir AS$50,000 (RM175,000)!

Itu baru alat membesarkan anu dia.
Alat membesarkan buah anu dia ntah berapa punya mahal pulak.
Itu sebab nabi² turun kat orang Arab, sebab ramai jahil,bodoh, bebal mengarut2.

Itu sebab s/khabar Utusan Meloya/Berita Hairan dah nak bengkrap,
Berita mcam ni pon nak siar,

Cerita lahanat mcm gini pon nak suruh orang baca.

Kak Pidah Naik Libang-libu!

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Kak Pidah to everybody: “ Wei.. isk isk.. you all tak nampak ke pearl necklace I yang besar gedabak dan mahal supo bedil tu? Huk huk.. dah ilang la..”

We all to Kak Pidah: “ Kih kih.. mintak le.. kah kah mintak le kat anak menantu you yang kaya raya tauke saham tu belikan yang baru.. keh keh”

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Saiful Bukhari si Pengidap Buasir?

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Laporan 3 Pakar Hospital K Lumpur
Bukti Muktamad Saiful Tidak Diliwat.
Oleh DZULKARNAIN TAIB sk 14-21 Julai 2009

.. “Pemeriksaan kemaluan dan bahagian dubur: sekeliling dubur lembab, bahagian luar tidak menunjukkan kesan parut, melecet atau luka baru, kelembapan normal, kemutan baik, tidak ada lendir, tidak ada kesan koyak atau luka, sedikit buasir tahap pertama pada sebelah kanan,” laporan itu membuat penemuan.

Aik, apa ni? Ptooey!
Satu Malaya terkejut besar.
Sial! Doktor² yang periksa Saiful lurus bendul.
Doktor² ni jamin kena pindah ke Pulau Batu Putih. Tak dgr kata. Tuih!

Apa punya lahanat..
Saiful Bukhari disahkan pengidap buasir.
Makin hari makin kurus kedeking
Apa dimakan jadi taik, usus tak berfungsi, tak serap zat.
Patut muka kusam

Apa punya lahanat..
Lagi mau tuduh ada worang belakang taro sama dia.
Kalau ada worang belakang taro sama dia, itu jubur rabak ada juga la macha.
Budak lahanat ni siuman ka?

* ntah² dah pergi cari doktor 3 ketul tu. Buasir dah naik tahap ketiga!

Puaka Janggut Putih

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Panjang umur puaka ni.

Lagi lama puaka ni hidup, macam2 sial dia bawak.
Agaknya nak berlawan sapa lambat mati dgn ada sorang Tun tu.
Puaka haprak ni dah accident sekali, tak jugak2 kedalam tanah.
Apa agaknya dalam kepala puaka ni?
Benci sangat dgn Islam.
Puaka pernah kata, “Over my dead body, baru boleh implement Hudud”

Bukan puaka ni tak sedar, duduk dikeliling orang Islam.
Beras orang Islam tanamkan.
Ikan orang Islam tangkapkan.
Nak berjudi je Genting sediakan tempat.

Bukan puaka ni tak sedar, ramai orang Islam yg jadi client dia.
Urusan bisness puaka ni sure ada kait-mengait dgn org Islam.
Mampus nanti tanam kat Tanah Melayu jugak.
Atau puaka ni dah wasiat siap2 suruh bakar je bangkai dia?

Panjang umur puaka ni.
Benci sangat dgn Islam, puaka ni beragama apa?
Yahudi?

Mampus cepat2 puaka ni.Mampus dilanggar keretapi.

She Survives the Fiercest of Competition

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A fighter inside the Pasar Sungai Rajang, Sarikei, Sarawak.

She is a grandmother and soft-spoken. She might looks frail, but beneath that humble demeanor, there is one big heart only belongs to fighters.

For the uninitiated, she is the only Malay/Bumi trader at vegetables section inside the Pasar Sungai Rajang, Sarikei, Sarawak.

Nevertheless, she has seen it all, the fiercest of competition, the constant annoying gossips, et al. Moreover, she comes out a victor.
A rose among the thorns.

Jom Berjudi

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4-D Thrusts Rooted in sound economics
KUALA LUMPUR, July 30 — Last week, number forecast operator Multi-Purpose Holdings told the stock exchange that its subsidiary Magnum Corporation had received government approval for a new four-digit (4-D) game that would incorporate a jackpot element. - Business Times Singapore

Berita dah keluar kat Singapore,
Aci potong ayam Utusan Malayalam tak akan siarkan
Berita Hairan pun mcm gitu jugak.

Hehehe ini la dia ‘People first, performance now’
‘Tauke² magnum first, let’s berjudi now’
Nanti boleh ganti Jom Heboh dgn Jom Berjudi,

Kena jumpa Tan Sri Harus dr negeri Lombong Bijih Tinggal.
Jgn² Pak Kaduk tu kata HARUS…
Al Maklum la, pingat pun tak tanggal dari tengkuk lagi.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Libang-libu Frog in the Disguise of a Man

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A new species discovered – Brohingies Pppuruss (scientific name)

This new species is stout and chubby.
Awful smell. Touch wood…
Thick skin. Especially on its face, tak tau malu..
Forked tongue, like komodo dragon.
Favourite past-time: Hopping, leaping, jumping
This species is getting old, recently spotted wearing dentures.

Current habitat: Pasir Mas, Kelantan.But not for long.

A School On Stilts

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Kg Sebako is one of the many villages dotting the Island of Bruit. Here on the plains of Kg Sebako of the Island of Bruit of District of Mukah, Sarawak, they have a better idea on how to build a school. Due to the location of the plains of Kg Sebako which situated at the river mouth of Sg Sebako and facing the sea, high and low tide is a constant threat. As a measure to counter the threat, the school is built on stilts.






The stilts erected are of the chosen timber, the ‘belian’ timber which can withstand saltwater for a constant and prolonged period of time. After all, ‘belian’ has served the people of Sarawak eons ago in providing them the material to build their homes. Still to this day, a lot of houses in the rural areas of Sarawak are built on stilts.

The school was aptly named Sek. Kebangsaan Kg Sebako. From a distance the school looks neat and tidy. Wooden plank connects the school to the main road of Kg Sebako. The school perimeter is fenced with a security post at the main entrance. There are blocks for classrooms and teacher’s office, a kitchen and teacher’s living quarters. Wooden planks connect these blocks with each other.

Kg Sebako is a fishing enclave. The majority of the small population depends on the sea and its bounty for their living. All the children are schooled in Sek Keb Sebako for their primary education. Some made the cut and have to move out of the island to further their studies. While some has chosen to stay and continuing the tradition of their forefathers to become fishermen. The school is so central to their lives since that is their childhood playground and men folk gather very evening for a game of football on the school field.

Due to its remoteness and reasons best known to the politician, Pulau Bruit is still underdeveloped. No tarred road, no electricity and no piped water supply. Not even the simplest mean of medical facility exists. Never mind, come next election the same politician will be all over Kg Sebako asking for votes.

The entire school depends on a huge generator operating 24-hours a day for its electricity. Supplier will come at intervals to supply fuel for the generator. However, water comes very cheap in Sek Keb Sebako. All they have to do is to pray for the sky to open up. The school has no less than 25 blue-colored big PVC tanks to store rainwater and from the tanks it will be distributed to every block. For years teachers and staffs of Sek Keb Sebako has been using rainwater for their washing, cooking and drinking.

Piped water or no piped water, electricity or no electricity, the teachers will keep on teaching and the students will keep on coming to that school on stilts.

Kakak Libang-libu Naik Syeh!

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Hidup Melayu!!

Hidup Melayu!!

Hidup Melayu!!

Pangkah Kapal Layar!

Ayoh! Mari Pangkah Kapal Layar!

Kapal Layar! Dulu. Kini & Sampai Mati!

Hidup Kapal Layar!

Kapal Layar Dah Nak Tenggelam…

Jom tenggelam sama2! (3x)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Grandest Libang-libu Man of All Time

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Hang tak kenai aku ka?

Hang jangan buat pelecey kat aku..

Hang lupa ka? Aku la bekaih perdanAA menteghi..