Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Rasuah Pegawai Zakat Guna Perbankan Islamik

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CEO Zakat P Pinang didakwa rasuah lagi

       
Selepas dua kali didakwa di mahkamah sebelum ini, Ketua Pegawai Eksekutif Zakat Pulau Pinang (ZPP) sekali lagi dihadapkan ke Mahkamah Sesyen di Butterworth atas pertuduhan rasuah.
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Kahkahkah!

Apa benda ni Dol?

Pegawai zakat pun kena tuduh rasuah?

Kahkahkah!

Ini kes berat.

Tapi harus dipuji, beliau dituduh melakukan rasuah yg mana dalam pertuduhan perlakuannya itu, beliau menggunakan Hong Leong Islamik.

Perbankan Islamik.

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Sekurang2nya, tak mengarut sampai menyimpan dedak dalam gudang Affin Bank.




Friday, November 24, 2017

Meniaga Majlis Konvo Tadika Lagi Untung

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Untung kaw-kaw!

Memaksa budak Tadika memakai jubah, mortar board, beratur dan menerima scroll di atas podium adalah satu penderaan mental.

Sepatutnya seusia begitu, budak2 itu dilatih dahulu cara menggonyoh jubur tahik yg betul supaya serdak-serdak tahik yg melekat dijubur tanggal sepenuhnya demi kebersihan.

Tak guna ajar doa makan, doa tidur, sembahyang, doa masuk jamban tapi basuh ponggong pun tak bersih. Kan?

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Main konvo-konvo ini pun satu bentuk perniagaan.  Cuba tanya tauke kompeni main konvo-konvo ini, ada kena mengena dgn guru besar, guru kelas, tauke kantin, pengerusi PIBG, AJKKKKK PIBG?

Kahkahkah!

Jgn tak tau dah ada sekolah buat majlis konvo Tahun 6 Di hotel. Rabak pocket mak bapak.

Lagi pun, konvo Tahun 6 ni konvo untuk kaplebuto hapa?
Kahkahkah!

Melayu ni cukup pandai meniru org putih. 

Mula-mula buat konvo-konvo, kemudian buat majlis tari-menari tamat Darjah 6.

Waktu mendaftar Tingkatan 1, perut dah boyot mengandung 2 bulan.

Kahkahkah!

Tadika Cina & sekolah Cina ada ke main konvo-konvo ni? Cikgu-cikgi sekolah chinchong tak ada stim lah nak mengurus acara mcm tu. 

Kahkahkah!

Dol,

Main konvo-konvo Tadika & sekolah-sekolah bumiputera Melayu Islam ini ialah perancangan halus, licik & amat jahat pendeta-pendeta Yahudi & Nasrani untuk melemahkan sosio-ekonomi Tanah Melayu amnya dan bumiputera Melayu Islam khususnya. 

Kahkahkah!

Pulak tu, balik rumah depa bekalkan jajan utk anak kau mencekik sampai cirit-birit.


Thursday, November 23, 2017

Tun Robert Mugabe

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"Those who live by the sword, die by the sword", kata orang putih.

Tapi setakat ini tak ada gaya nampaknya Mugabe diktator Zimbabwe itu akan dipancung tengkuknya, walaupun kompom ramai rakyat Zimbabwe berdoa dikerat saja tengkuknya.

Mengikut hikayat yg memang tak boleh pakai, Mugabe & Dr Madey berkawan baik. Umur pun lebih kurang sama.

Ada lagi satu cerita yg langsung tak boleh pakai, kununnya Madey menghantar kayu-kayan Malaya secara percuma kpd Mugabe kerana kawan baiknya itu nak merasa berak dalam jamban kayu jati. 

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Mutakhir ini diberitakan Mugabe akan diperambat dari Zimbabwe sebagaimana Marcos diperambat dari Filipinos.

Mana Mugabe nak pegi?

Ada yg kata Mugabe akan berhijrah ke Gurun, Kedah kerana di sana cuacanya kering seperti di Zimbabwe dan juga member kamcingnya berkampung halaman di situ.

Kahkahkah!

Ada pro, ada cons bila Mugabe nak mai.

Tapi seeloknya ucaplah "marhaban ya Mugabe". Dia pun tak lama lagi dah, paling kuat lagi 10 tahun, padam.

Bagi la can kpd Mugabe utk bertaubat dan berbuat kerja amal di Malaysia.

Nanti byklah NGO merasa duit derma Mugabe & kot2 Mugabe nak jadi lagi champion, dia boleh sponsor orang pergi umrah.

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Kompom dalam masa tak sampai 6 bulan, kita kena panggil dia Tun Mugabe.

Amacam Dol?

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

https://www.malaysiakini.com/news/402633

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Subuh Baru Cabut

Madu tualang power! Click here

Mungkin ada Melayu yg kembang kuncup lubang hidung bangganya durian Musang King telah memasuki pasaran China dan dijual dgn harga tak masuk akal.

Melayu ini kena reti basa Musang King yg top di China itu datangnya dari kebun Chinchong, bukan kebun Jamal Jamban.

Kahkahkah!

Rambutan kita yg dah travel satu pelusuk dunia itu pun lebih dikenali dgn nama Singaporean Lychee. Ini kerja Chinchong Singapore.

Jgn marahkan Chinchong, mereka pandai cari makan. Kita dapat makan bulu rambutan pun, syukur Msia masih aman.

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Sekarang ni ada pulak sorang Chinchong bawak Ramly Burger ke US.

Kalau ikut otak Melayu kita, Chinchong ni cari bala. Mcm mana nak jual burger Ramly di US padat sendat dgn burger mereka sendiri?

Ini umpama menjual ABC di Alaska.

Kahkahkah!

Itulah kejadiannya kerana otak Melayu ini telah dibonsai dan dibantut HAMNO. Sampai masuk kubur kita bawak BRIM, dedak, ketuanan & Idop Melayu!

Kahkahkah!

Chinchong dah berjual durian, rambutan & burger Ramly ke serata dunia tapi kita masih meriah dgn tongkat Ali, pil kemut, pil meraung & terbaru ubat Subuh Baru Cabut.

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!



http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/nation/2017/10/17/malaysian-style-ramly-burger-spices-up-the-big-apple/

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Negeri Perak Paling Kurang Orang Gila

Madu tualang power! Click here

Dol,

kahkahkah!
kahkahkah!

Lu orang mana Dol?
kahkahkah!
kahkahkah!



Kelantan mcm mana boleh ranking no. 3 ni?

Kahkahkah!

Sabah & KL, tak ada sapa pelik. Tapi Kelantan?
Kelantan no. 3?

Kahkahkah!

Itu belum lagi dibanci mengikut lebai/tak lebai, songkok/ketayap atau walaon/non-walaon.

Kahkahkah!


Monday, November 20, 2017

China Passion & Malaysia 'Syiok Sendiri' Plan

Madu tualang power! Click here

An article written by ex Ambassador of Malaysia to China. A very good essay. Worth your time to read through.

---------------------------------------
I lived in Beijing from 1979 to 1981 as a diplomat and was back in China again earlier this month to attend a meeting. The pace of change in China is simply staggering.

When I first arrived in the country, China had no middle class. According to some economists, its wages were just above that of sub-Saharan Africa.

Most people lived in mud brick shacks and there were as many bicycles as there were people. Vegetables like cabbage were brought from the communes when available and dumped by the truckloads on the roadside; the smell of rotting cabbage was everywhere.

Deng Xiaoping, the paramount leader of China from 1978 till his retirement in 1989, was one of the most remarkable leaders I have ever had the privilege of meeting. He saw what many of his more ideologically inclined colleagues were too blind to see - that if a way could be found to release the industriousness, creativity and ingenuity of the Chinese people, there would be no stopping China’s rise to greatness. In my view, that was his greatest contribution to China.

And he set about changing China through the Four Modernisations policy. It was a big deal then, much the same way as One Belt One Road (OBOR) project is today.

Less than four decades after I first arrived in Beijing, the city is not just a world-class capital city, it is the capital of the world.

The millions of bicycles that once filled the streets of Beijing are gone, replaced by millions of cars both foreign and locally-made.

In the week that I was there for my recent meeting, China’s first locally-built aircraft carrier began sea trials while its first locally-built passenger plane took its maiden voyage.

Almost everything - airports, roads, mass transit systems, telecommunications - is new and more advanced than anything anywhere else. The old ‘hutongs’ (alleys) are all but gone, replaced by dazzling high-rise condos, shopping malls, stadiums, coffee bars and fabulously expensive restaurants filled not by expatriates but by locals.

Except for the famous historical landmarks, very little remains of the Beijing I first encountered in 1979.

Impatient to fulfil its destiny

The mindset shift is also striking. The people I talked to were confident about their future and proud of what had been accomplished. They were anxious to get the best education, learn new experiences, discover new business opportunities, seek ways to exploit new technologies, and were ready to move to the other side of the world if necessary in pursuit of their aspirations.

As a nation, there is an eagerness to be the best and the greatest, to climb the highest, go the furthest, to build the biggest, fastest and most advanced. It doesn’t take long for visitors to sense that this is a nation on the move, impatient to fulfil its manifest destiny as possibly the greatest nation in the world.

Above all else, it is the strategic thinking and planning behind almost everything that is China today that is impressive. A country like China does not rise that high that fast by happenstance but by careful planning, thoughtful implementation and dogged determination. It seems that when China settles upon a strategy, it pursues it with uncommon passion.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that never in the history of human civilisation has any nation been able to make such a technological, economic and social leap forward in such a short span of time as China.

That is the China that we must deal with and we better be up to the challenge if we are not to share the fate of lambs headed to the slaughterhouse.

It is not to suggest that China is evil or necessarily intent on subjugation; it’s just that the sheer asymmetry of its power and prowess automatically puts other nations at a huge disadvantage.

As I walked around Beijing in awe, I couldn’t help reflecting on our own nation’s journey over the last 35 years or so. In many ways, witnessing China’s exponential rise to greatness also forces us to come to terms with our own performance, our own vulnerabilities and shortcomings. It is a depressing exercise to say the least.

During then prime minister Dr Mahathir Mohamad’s visit to China in November 1985, for example, a few Proton Saga were given to a Beijing taxi company as part of the effort to gain publicity for the recently launched Malaysian-made car. Admiring crowds gathered around the Proton wherever it was displayed, astonished that a small developing country like Malaysia could produce its own cars. It was a proud moment for those of us who were there.

Some 37 years later, here we are desperately looking to China to rescue Proton from total collapse. In 1985, China produced about 6,000 cars annually; by 2008, China’s annual production had surpassed that of the United States and Japan combined.

Time and again, we seem to have squandered the lead we had through corruption, mismanagement and misguided policies or wasted resources on hair-brained schemes. Worst of all, we never seem to learn anything from our follies because we keep repeating them.

Unproductive, self-defeating exercise

While China was taking giant strides forward with its Four Modernisations programme, we were arguing over language, race and religion. Instead of building a world-class system of education, we were politicising it and pretending that just calling our universities great would make it so. While other countries were going out of their way to attract the best minds in the world, we were driving them away with bigotry and prejudice.

While China’s leaders were experimenting with ways to release the creativity, ingenuity and industriousness of all its people, our leaders were stifling it with discriminatory programmes and self-defeating policies.

Even now, when countries like China are focused on technological innovation and strategising how to seize global leadership, we are obsessed with religious laws, what people wear or who’s sleeping with whom, never mind that all these things do absolutely nothing to improve our productivity, enhance our competitiveness or prepare us for the challenges ahead.

Of course, we have our great plans - Vision 2020 and now TN2050 - but we have neither the patience nor the determination of China to do whatever is necessary to bring it to fruition. In the end, it’s all just hype, a “syiok sendiri” exercise, and we know it.

To be sure, Malaysia has made impressive advances as well but surely it is far less than what could have been achieved when measured against our potential.

How do we face external challenges and an increasingly competitive global environment with so much internal baggage? If we cannot get our act together, if we cannot exorcise the demons within, how can we ever hope to face the dragon without?

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Brunei Rugi Besar

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Ramai yg tak tahu, disebalik kemewahan & kemakmuran yg dikecapi rakyat Brunei sekarang ini, rupa-rupanya mereka sedang rugi besar.

Mereka rugi ya amat besar kerana tidak menyertai Persekutuan Tanah Melayu dulu.

Sekarang mereka cemburu ya amat terhadap kemudah2an yg dinikmati rakyat Msia seperti:

1. Kemudahan dalam bentuk Brunei bukan saja akan di kenakan cukai utk hasil minyak, malah 95% hasil minyak akan pergi ke Pusat. Tinggal 5% untuk Brunei. Kahkahkah!
2. Pendapatan rakyat Brunei mungkin akan sama dengan Sarawak iaitu RM30,000 berbanding dengan sekarang RM62,000 (USD 20,000), adil dan saksama.
3. Rakyat Brunei akan membeli minyak dengan harga yang lebih mahal dari sekarang iaitu RM1.90 seliter utk RON95 berbanding sekarang RM0.90 (B$0.36) Kahkahkah!
4. Rakyat Brunei yang hendak melanjutkan pelajaran ke peringkat tinggi akan terpaksa meminjam dari PTPTN dan dikenakan Riba. 

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!
5. Sindrom ramai orang luar Brunei yang memegang jawatan tinggi dengan gaji mahal di sektor Minyak dan Gas akan berlaku tanpa ada apa-apa bunyi bantahan dari pemimpin tempatan Brunei. Rakyat Brunei akan di beri jawatan peringkat rendah dgn gaji yang rendah juga.
6. Harga kereta import akan mahal dan rakyat Brunei akan ramai yang terpaksa beli Proton dan Perodua.
7. Jalan antara bandar di Brunei akan menjadi jalan satu lorong untuk sehala yang berombak2 dan berlubang. Dan kebanyakan di tampal pelbagai kali hingga rupanya macam kek lapis Sarawak.

KAHKAHKAH! KAHKAHKAH!
KAHKAHKAH! 
https://suaramedia.org/patutlah-dulu-negara-brunei-tolak-tak-nak-masuk-malaysia-akhirnya-terbongkar-juga-sebab-sebabnya/

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Zahid Hamidi Melawat Anwar Ibrahim Pulak Dah

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Mari kita menafsir dan buat-buat pandai menafsir gambar di atas.

Sebelum itu kita kembali ke zaman dahulu, yakni zaman Mahafiraun.

Senarionya sama. Dulu pun Mat Nuar masuk hospital setelah ditinju & dikarate setengah mampus oleh Rahim Noor, tapi sekor habuk tak berani pergi melawat.

Usahkan melawat, nak menangis kasihankan Mat Nuar pun depa tak berani. Cuba-cuba menangis, tapi yg keluar air kencing takutkan Mahafiraun.

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Kita kembali ke gambar di atas. Tgk riak muka dua org anak Anwar. Muka-muka ini telah membesar tanpa kasih bapa yg asyik kena penjara. Kompom budak2 tu berzikir, "cepatlah kau berambus baju kuning, cepat berambus, aku lama dah berdiri ni".

Kahkahkah!

Tgk pulak muka bini Zahid yg happy macam masuk fun-fair, ingat Najib suka ke? Ingat Najib tak reti2 ke?

Piirah! Laki kau tak akan jadi PM punya. 

Kahkahkah!

Tgk kelaku Si Zahid, kompom dlm hatinya itu berkata-kata, "nak pegang ke tidak tangan Anwar ni, bukan org lain dia ni dulu boss lama aku".

Tak usah pegang. Nanti keluar pulak cerita ekzos Zahid. Cukup tak senonoh politik Msia ni.

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Apa pun, syabas kpd PM & TPM sudi melawat Anwar. Politik ni kena pandai, hari ni kita penaik harga petrol, esok kita melawat Mat Nuar, lusa kompom ramai Melayu bercita-cita nak pangkah HAMNO.

Kahkahkah!

Menteri Afrika Menganjeng Menteri Bumiputera Melayu Islam

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Semasa berucap Di Wilson Center, Washington, Amerika Syarikat beberapa tahun lalu, bekas PM Kenya Raila Amolo Odinga pernah menganjeng-nganjengkan pemimpin bumiputera Melayu Islam Malaysia.

Kahkahkah!

Dulu kita menganjeng-nganjengkan Indonesia, skrg satu dunia menganjeng-nganjengkan Msia.

Kahkahkah!

Di bawah adalah ulasan beliau.

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Beliau mengulas dengan sebuah jenaka berkaitan sebuah negara Afrika, yang hanya dirujuknya sebagai 'Negara X'.
Katanya, rombongan dari Negara X diketuai seorang menteri melawat ke Malaysia dan ditunjukkan projek-projek pembangunan oleh menteri kerja raya Malaysia.


Selepas itu menteri Afrika itu dibawa ke rumah menteri Malaysia yang besar, terdapat kolam renang dan lamanya sebesar setengah ekar.

“Dia tanya menteri (Malaysia) itu, 'Macam mana kami dapat semua ini?' Menteri itu bawanya ke beranda dan berkata; 'Nampak jalan di sana?” Lelaki itu kata 'ya'. Dia (menteri Malaysia) jawab, '10 peratus di sini' (rumah),” katanya disambut gelak ketawa orang ramai.


Tidak tamat di situ, Raila menyambung ceritanya, selepas setahun, menteri Malaysia itu membuat lawatan balas ke Negara X dan turut dibawa berjalan-jalan sekitar negara itu dan ditunjukkan projek pembangunan.


Di sebelah petang, kata Raila lagi, menteri Malaysia itu dibawa untuk makan malam di rumah menteri Negara X.
“Dia masuk ke laman. Lamannya sebesar 5 ekar. Bila masuk ke dalam, dia dapati semua perabot diimport dari Eropah, dan banyak benda keemas-emasan. Dia nampak kolam renang bersaiz Olimpik.
“Dia (menteri Malaysia) tanya (menteri Afrika) bagaimana dia dapat semua ini.


“Dia dibawa ke beranda. 'Kamu nampak jalan di sana?'. Menteri Malaysia itu tidak nampak sebarang jalan. Kemudian, dia (menteri Afrika) itu memberitahu, “Seratus peratus di sini (rumah ini).”


https://www.malaysiakini.com/news/402337

Friday, November 17, 2017

Apalah Sangat Anwar Ibrahim

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Kalau YB-YB dari HAMNO tak melawat Mat Nuar, tak ada sapa kisah.

Satu Malaya tahu betapa mereka telah lama mendiami lubang ekzos Saiful BauKari, kalau keluar nanti kena matahari. Panas!

Kahkahkah!
Kahkahkah!

Sekarang mari kita saksikan kot2 ada lebai-lebai yg dikutip Mat Nuar dari bucu-bucu meja, yg sekarang bergelar YB, sudi mencemar sarban 5 kilo utk singgah berziarah.

Kahkahkah!

Sebenarnya, bukan lebai-lebai itu tak hingin ziarah.

Ada beberapa faktor menghalang;

1. ramai sgt pergi, kecoh hospital.
2. kekangan dari pihak penjara.

Juga kerana lebai-lebai ni pun ramai yg dah berumur dan penyakit pun byk dah bersarang dalam badan.

Fobia pergi hospital.

Takut dia yg kena tahan.

Kahkahkah
kahkahkah!